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People think the biggest struggle for veterans leaving the service is things like PTSD from whatever they saw and experienced. But in my opinion, the biggest underlying issue veterans face is isolation. Whatever you come away with from your time in service or not, isolation is going to make things worse.
According to the American Medical Association, loneliness and isolation are major public health threats. Add low socioeconomic status or chronic illnesses and the risk increases! Both, physical and mental health are significantly impacted causing increased chances for anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and dementia. We are not a population that can afford these possibilities since we are already 72% more likely to die by suicide than our civilian counterparts, an estimated 28% of veterans suffer from chronic pain compared to 19% of adults who were not veterans, 16.1% of veterans have diagnosed diabetes compared to 10.3% of the non-veteran population and the statistics keep gong.
Isolation is not going to do us any favors. We need each other now more than ever.
It is a unique situation that veterans are in. We spend years or sometimes most of our lives in a high-stress work environment within its own bubble and all we really had to count on for sure were the people next to and behind us. But we are much more than work colleagues. We are family. We are a brother/sisterhood built on a mission, trials, trust, and safety. We share a culture and a language, we share common bonding experiences and laughter, blood, sweat, and tears. And when you leave all of that behind (for whatever reason) to show up in the civilian world, it can feel heartbreakingly lonely. I've felt it and I'm married to a veteran. But my battlebuddy and my shipmates are scattered all over the world and although some of us keep in touch as best we can, none of them are here.
As I was trying to advertise that Symmetry of Self was hiring and that one of the major requirements would be that they are military veterans, I found myself saddened by how hard it is to find us. It's so hard to find us, let alone someone who got out of the service and decided to become a therapist. But it only reinforces my drive to create a place where veterans help veterans transition from their careers and heal their wounds. It only reinforces the idea that we still need each other. Civilians are great (most of my closest friends are civilians) but there is something to be said about spending a chunk of your life in this other world which has become a part of who you are, that needs to feel understood and honored. We don't necessarily want to give that up just because we aren't there anymore.
It feels nice to tell deployment stories, share our dark humor with those who won't give us a WTF face, and not have to explain some of the terms or acronyms we might still use. When I talk to my old battlebuddy and I hear her use military time or use sayings like "tactically acquired" I smile because it feels comforting to hear that old language again. It can make us nostalgic, not for the experiences we had on the job, but for the camaraderie that carried us through.
Sebastian Junger expressed this best when he brought that topic to TEDTalks:
I think what he missed is Brotherhood. He missed, in some ways, the opposite of killing. What he missed was connection to the other men he was with. Now, brotherhood is different from friendship. Obviously, the more you like someone the more you'd be willing to do for them. Brotherhood has nothing to do with how you feel about the other person. It's a mutual agreement in a group that you will put the welfare of the group, you will put the safety of everyone in the group above your own. In effect, you're saying ' I love these other people more than I love myself'...having an experience like that, a bond like that, in a small group where they love 20 other people in some ways more than they love themselves, you think about how good that would feel, imagine it. And they are blessed with that experience for a year and then they come home and they are just back in society like the rest of us are not knowing who they can count on, not knowing who loves them, who they can love, not knowing exactly what anyone they know would do for them if it came down to it. That is terrifying.
But this doesn't just apply to war veterans, it applies to many service members regardless of gender, job, or duty station.
She's always had my 6
There are places for veterans to meet back up (VFW, American Legion, etc.) but those posts don't have the same appeal or feel as welcoming to post-vietnam veterans. It can leave many veterans feeling alone and isolated from one another and that can trigger depression and anxiety (among other things). I, myself, will admit that I am a VFW member "at large" because I believe in their mission and the benefits of being connected to the organization but I have never set foot in a post because as a woman veteran and a veteran of the OIF/OEF era, and because I've had older generation veterans scoff at my veteran status because I'm a woman, I'd rather skip going somewhere that should feel familiar and comforting but ends up feeling awkward and belittling (yes, even military veterans of different generations can contribute to that feeling of isolation when they aren't providing inclusive and all-embracing space for their younger brothers and sisters). I hope this changes with time, but currently, many veterans share the same sentiments.
I never want any of my brothers and sisters to feel that way. Symmetry of Self is meant to provide safe spaces and also ways for service members to connect again. Our mission is to create that camaraderie again as we dive into the next battle here on the homefront: our mental health. Not only am I trying to build a team of vets to help with this mission but we are also trying to get the word out there, however we can, that we are here.
Symmetry needs your help to continue this mission. Share our content, talk about us, consider making an appointment, tell your loved one who has served about us, or apply to join our squad. Every action counts and with 7 out of every 100 veterans dying by suicide, a stronger sense of community is needed to combat the isolation that keeps us from living a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's
always tomorrow
Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill
Those of your needs that you won't let show
You just call on me brother when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
somebody to lean on
You just call on me brother
When you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on
If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me
Call me
If you need a friend
Lean On Me by Bill Withers
Call us when you need a sister or brother because we'll understand.
Symmetry of Self Counseling Center
856-292-5700
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